The Witcher Preview

Shacknews adds their impressions of the recently gone gold Polish product The Witcher. They seem to be a bit unhinged by the RPG’s raw bluntness and, as they’d put it, “Europeanness”, but are overall impressed.

“Your momma sucks dwarf cock.”

What.

What?

Doesn’t this guy realize that I’m The motherfucking Witcher? The infamous slayer of monsters and devilry? The pale-faced, bar-hopping amnesiac? The sterile, dwarf-loving tough guy? I have silver swords and shit. What is he thinking?

“You fight like a lass,” he says, taunting me.

What the hell is this game?

The Witcher isn’t exactly a breath of fresh air. It’s more like the musty, stimulating smell of an old library; somewhat stale, but comforting, nostalgic. It’s a throwback to an age when the ESRB didn’t exist, and when game designers were free to fling as much sex and violence around as they saw fit; when they were willing to fill their RPGs with outlandish one-liners and depressingly realistic scenarios, and to pose nude on box covers.

Take the main character of Geralt, The Witcher’s silver-haired antihero whose role you’ll be playing out. Within the first 30 minutes of the game, players will see him coring the chest cavities of guards, banging his female co-star, and attending a reverent funeral. From there, it’s a short hop to an inn, where you can participate in an endless round of bar fights and drunken slavering.

No, this isn’t your average G-rated Star Wars RPG. This is something else. This is European.