Ten Golden Rules of Japanese RPGs

Destructoid has compiled a list of ten comical “rules” that Japanese role-playing games typically seem to follow.

2: Everybody in the main party has a sword, even if everyone else has guns:

It might not be logical, but this is a genre where steampunk robots can fight purple dragons — sod your bloody logic! Even if the game is set in a dystopian future full of clanking death wagons and engines of wanton destruction, your main party of heroes must always be willing to match their bullets with a flash of cold, hard steel. If you don’t think a skinny emo with a sword is enough to stop a ten story tall walking tank with railguns, missile launchers and a scorpion tail, then you’re an idiot. They did that shit all the time in Vietnam.

For extra realism, try and make the swords ten feet tall, or at least the size of a Shetland pony. Despite their huge size, your girly-armed characters must be able to wield such meaty blades as if they were lighter than swan feathers with helium balloons tied to them. Again, see ‘Nam for historical reference.

6: Your main villain must be one of the following, and ONLY one of the following:

A. A close friend or ally who has turned traitor in a shocking twist that you didn’t see coming within three seconds of setting eyes on the smirking prick. He might be a mentor to the main hero, or a friendly rival, but either way, his unorthodox methods and shirking of authority will provide no clues to his completely unforeseeable betrayal.

B. An ancient evil that has been sealed away long ago. Evils are always ancient, and are never killed like they should be. Instead, some bearded old fools locked it up in a mirror or a tree or something — y’know, a really secure place.

C. Someone who randomly and suddenly replaces the guy you thought was the actual main villain. You’ll spend hours waiting to fight the main baddie, only to find he was little more than a sub-villain for the main event. It is always surprising when this happens.

D. Gay.

You’ll find that some of the other “rules” actually apply to all RPGs.

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